wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
