Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
