I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
