He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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