The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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