So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
