I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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