i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
