Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
