we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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