It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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