OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
