I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
