did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
