She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
