Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
