He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
