Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
