I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
