I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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