thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
