That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
