Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
