True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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