put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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