my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
