My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
