Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
