Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
