love makes seman taste better
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
