Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
