i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
