defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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