I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
handjob tips. give me some.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
