We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
