I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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