After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
