Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
