I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
