she was so not down for the gang bang
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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