hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
