He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
