the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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