"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
