I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
