Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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