Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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