dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
