she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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