The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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