Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
