alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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