i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
