was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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