you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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