I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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