I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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