p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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