you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
