last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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