when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
