my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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