i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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