road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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