Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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