then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
