So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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