I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
