i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
