I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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