3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
