its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
