I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
